umm.. my boxes from Melbourne arrived this morning. As bad as they looked (the sides are actually ripped, and they looked like they’ve been soaked in water :s), I felt a jolt in my heart when I saw them. Those stuff are just half of what I’ve had during my five years in Melbourne. My Melbourne, that I can’t really claim as mine anymore.
It’s been a week and three days since I changed my address, a postcode 3000 to a 60238. During those times I have travelled 1300km across the island of Java for a business purpose and encountered tens of public toilets with various degrees of sanitation *shivers*, I have cleaned and rearrange my wardrobe, celebrated my mom’s birthday and got the chance to meet my cousins, learned to work on media orders for my dad and watched my boyfriend’s playing at the annual orchestral event.
All good. On the surface.
It’s not that I’m not happy to be home. I’m in my own country, in my own home, surrounded by my family and my boyfriend. I can’t say I’m not happy. I just feel.. lifeless. Some said I’m still in denial (haha), basically not accepting that I am not a Melbournian anymore. Why I haven’t been able to cry until right at this moment still puzzles me. My mom was on the brink of tears when I hugged her on the evening of my arrival. I wanted to cry, too!! but I just can’t. The problem might lay on this specific character of mine, which tend not to think of things over too seriously. To just face and do whatever available in front of me. Do it wholeheartedly, of course, by all means, but without considering any other options. In short, I don’t like making choices of my own. I let others do it for me, just to minimize the fuss. Or so I thought.
I’m in the middle of reading a book by Jentezen Franklin, recommended by a dear friend of mine, titled Believe that You Can. So far, each page has either slapped me or opened my eyes. Another thing is that it gives me hope. It gives me courage to actually believe that I can make my dream come true someday. If I persist enough, if I insist on not quitting too soon.
I’ve got some many thoughts and entries about my plans and dreams, a promise to change. But I guess the time has come for me to not just talk about it, but to pay the price and do something about it. Most of the time I just don’t know where to start.
this entry was intended to be posted on Aug 19, 2009 at 9.41pm