It’s nearing another full moon, marking the first month since I came back from my other hometown, Melbourne. I dare to call her my other hometown because in that wonderful place I was forced and taught to live on my own, where I was trained and pushed to do things that I’d never thought I could do nor would encounter. In that lovely city I found and lost laughters, tears and love. I gained so many new friends, found my soulmates and glad to know that I will always have them no matter how far we are separated by the distance. In that artsy town with quirky sense of humour when it comes to weather, I experienced winning and losing, holding on and giving up, and everything else that allowed me to grow up. I faced the two lowest points of my life so far in the middle of busy semesters, and was saved and restored though it’s still hard to accept that I’m fully healed from all those painful moments. I was captured by God, blinded and overwhelmed by His love till I have no other choice but to love Him back. I am truly blessed that He still cares for me, and however lousy I am when it comes to my devotional time and however far I am from being His good follower, I will not leave Him. Ever. Cos there’s no life outside Him.
A month has gone far too quickly, and I don’t think I have done much. For myself, for my family, and for Him. I’m still struggling with my laziness and lack of urgency to decide what I want in my life, still struggling to keep my mouth shut when required and to fight for my own dream. It seems so hard to move without knocking someone down and hurt some others. This is when I miss Melbourne the most. Life seems so calm and orderly down there. Of course there ARE problems, but you don’t get THIS frustrated, at least. Or so I think.
I really don’t want to complain. Other ex-Melbournians have warned me that the first five months would be the hardest; that so-called stage of denial and transition. Okay, five months from last month (uda jalan sebulan toh?) will be: January. Hmm.. Still too long to go. Add that with the plan of coming back in December for graduation. Hahaha .. another five months after Dec, perhaps? I so don’t want to think about that.
I know I know, I am not supposed to complain. One of my fellow workers (church workers, that is. And you know who you are (; ) told me that if he was in my position he would gladly go home and indulge in the beauty of his motherland. But I guess it’s not the case anymore, since he’s found something (or someone, actually) that bounds him to that city. Hehe… Good luck yah.. if things go wrong you can always come up here and help me out. Not that I’m hoping for that, no no.
As the nights approach another full moon, I keep reminding myself to be patient. To not blame myself and/or others when things don’t come out as I wish them to be. One thing that I’m quite worried about is my inabililty to be consistent and end up losing my focus, and my goal. Going back to Indonesia is a huge challenge when it comes to my ministry and my commitment, since everything is so different here. But I thank God that I have been given a new community, a new FA, which is faarr the opposite of my previous FA Carlton 2. This FA has just multiplied last week, since the members were too many already. I’m the second youngest member there, and it’s such a new experience compared to the old one where I am the ‘mommy’ of FA. We have four married couples, two with babies coming on their ways alias lagi hamil (one of them, ci irene, hamil guedeee she looks like she’s ready to explode anytime), and nobody is still studying. So there’d be no prayer request about exams and assignments hahaha..aww how I’m going to miss that. One of the leaders, Ko Denny, is involved in PW team in church ( I really wonder if God chooses the name Daniel, Denny, and Danny as the Levi of this new age because I’ve found so many people with those names involved in praise and worship team, including my boyfriend), I might ask for his help to get me into the ministry so I’ll be back on track. Most of the members in that FA are mature in Christ, and I can see how I can learn even more with this new family. I might share some points next time 🙂
Patience, passion, persistence. I guess I have those three as my keywords to go through the rest of my transition stage. In my persistence to keep my focus I shall not forget that the greatest of all is love, as Paul said in 1 Cor 13:13, so I don’t turn my dreams into a carnal ambition. The moulding time for this small vessel of me has come, and may I be patient during those time so I won’t nudge God’s hands or I’d end up a knobbly vessel.
Have a marvelously blessed weekend, my friends!