once upon a storm.

After five exhilarating and tiring days in Gold Coast (where I finally braced myself to ride on rollercoasters for the first time of my entire 24-year of life!! yes, including the 180* upside-down ride), me, my mom, my brother and brother’s girlfriend were set to leave to Sydney. It was Saturday, and Surfers Paradise was trashed with heavy rain and wind. Good for the land, way too wet for us. I was worried that we wouldn’t be able to be ready at the tourist spot where the shuttle bus was going to pick us up to the airport, cos we didn’t want to stand there with no roof to shield us from the rain. I asked God that He’ll please stop the rain, just for a couple of minutes, when the bus came so we could get on it without getting too soaked. And He surely had mercy on these four little creatures that He literally stopped the rain, EXACTLY before the bus arrived at the tourist point. I didn’t even have to open my umbrella. How good is He = D

The rain was back on its full mode¬† minutes after we hopped on the bus. Right on time, God. Thank You so much. And as Virgin Blue has promised in their poster, “The best on-time airline in the world”, we were airborne by 6.15pm Queensland time.

Everything went smoothly; from the boring tv channels cos I didn’t want to pay for movies plus the connections were faulty anyway, the food/drink trolley being pushed by pretty stewardesses along the aisle, to the flight itself. Until there was an announcement that we were not going to land on time due to bad weather. I look over to the window, and surprisingly I could see nothing. It was pitch black. I started to realize that the plane was actually moving in a full circle.¬† I turned the navigation channel on and yes, we were going 360* above Sydney. I suddenly saw a streak of light on the wing of the plane. I thought I was seeing one of the signal lights, but since it blipped randomly, I asked my mom if it was something that we shouldn’t be worried about. But she did confirm my fear; it was lighting bolts. So yes, we were flying among thunders; may sound dramatic but it was scary sick. Or sick scary. BOTH!

A very small voice whispered in my heart, wondering, “Could this be the end?”. Would I witness my entire life flashes before my eyes like what people say when one is nearing his end ?

I was ashamed to prove that we often call on God only when we are in unnerving situations, cos that was what I did. I haven’t been treating God as my Lord for few weeks already, and calling for help from someone (in this case, The One) that you’ve been ignoring would not be the nicest feeling in the world. I said to Him, “Lord, if this is what’s supposed to be my last moments as a human being, please make it less painful”. So, even in pleading about my life I had to be selfish and self-absorbed.

I watched the lightning bolts that seemed to strike more and more often, holding myself from screaming every time I saw them. Suddenly a very gentle voice spoke to me, saying, “Look at the works of My Magnificent Hands”. You mean, the lightning bolts, Lord ? And so I did. While watching the contrasting lights dancing over the pitch black sky, I began to sing,

I will lift my heart and sing,
I will worship You, my King
Earth and Heaven now proclaim,
Jesus Christ the Mighty Name

Through the storm and raging sea
I will never be alone
When my world seems out of sight
I know You will shine Your light

I stopped as the words immersed in my brain. It was too apt to be called as a coincidence that I sang that particular song, right in the middle of exactly the same situation. Literally! I praised Him and thanked Him for loving me, for knowing how to calm me down and to trust Him that His Magnificent Hands will do good for me. Alleluia to Christ, the Lord!

It was 70minutes before we were allowed to land. As we were losing the latitude (which were a bit nauseous, seemed like the pilot was eager to land as soon as he could), I could see the pretty night lights of Sydney. It was gorgeous. When we finally landed, all the tensions in the cabin seemed to melt and everybody were cheering and clapping hands. I wonder if there’s others who clapped for my Lord with me, for bringing us safe and sound, back on earth.

I wouldn’t call this a near-death experience. Instead, for me, it was one of the most liveliest experiences that God has shown me. It’s not like you fly among thunders everyday. I treasure this moment, and I treasure His goodness and mercy, His tender love, and His promise that He’ll never leave me alone. As scary as the situation might be.

Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia to Christ the Lord!

hix.

Just got a haircut yesterday at Sense on Russel st. And I don’t quite like the result ='( I can’t remember why I didn’t give any suggestions or told the hairdresser to stop cutting my fringe, or it wouldn’t be so short and serrated right now. Gosh.

I look like a 15-year-old! boohoo.. or simply like someone who’s got a bad hair day for as long as 2 months, at least. I desperately hope that when it grows it’ll look better.

well, IT BETTER BE! 0_0′

today: mama tofu and pangsit goreng isi udang

Slightly recovering from hayfever and sorethroat, my mom started an experiment on making the replication of Happy Phoenix’s glorious Grandma Tofu. I wonder if she was thinking about the recipe when she was in her drowsiness from taking the meds. We started to mix some sauces with similar color and tastes around the kitchen on minced chicken and prawn, e.g. Pantai chili paste, bulgogi sauce, worchestershire sauce, soy sauce and some pepper and sugar to taste, before stir-friying them with tofu.

It turned out very delicious. A tad different from the original piece, but it tasted great. So we called it Mama Tofu, instead =)

The fried wontons were also good. Of course lah, orang bumbunya sama gitu, tinggal diwrap pake wonton skin trus digoreng, trus dicolek mayonnaise n sweet chili sauce.

Haizz.. senangnya ada mama di rumah. Fat fat faatt!!

men..

This is what Oprah has to say about men.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle.If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. (!!!)

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are… even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending… compromise is a two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships… there is nothing cute about baggage… Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you… a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals… look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.

Dating is fun… even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes… when a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother’s house.

Never co-sign for a man.

Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar, but get to know others.

Share this with other women and men (just so they know)… You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her/his choices, and another woman prepare, and a man aware.

************************************************************************

I felt like I’ve been slapped on the face. Many times. I guess learning is part of living, and girls, lets not waste our precious lives on the same mistakes.

God bless!

the drawer of ‘nothingness’

I had a chat with a close friend last night. As usual after a warm salutation he asked me what I’ve been doing, just to get the usual answer of multi-taskings. He then shared the fact that the mind of men works like drawers. There’s a drawer for eating, another one for career/work, and then for love/family, watching tv, and most importantly there’s a drawer for NOTHINGNESS, when men are expected to think of ‘nothing’ as the title suggested. That’s why they cannot do multiple things altogether at the same time; too many drawers to be opened. As for women, their minds work like wires which interconnecting with each other that imply the skill of multitasking possessed.

And how I wish I’m a man right now. Pulling out the NOTHING drawer, keeping all my thoughts inside it and chuck them away. Just for a while, just for a moment until I’m ready to have them back and constantly thinking of them.

I wish I had the strength and the determination, to hold my head high and keep moving on. To take one little step at a time. Stealing from a friend’s personal message, ‘PERSEVERE, even the snail made it into the ark’, would be an apt expression. I wonder if I can’t, or don’t have the urge to, finish what I have started. With so many crucial moments in life, have I made the right decisions and did what I had to do against what I wanted ? What about free will ? Even the word ‘freedom’ itself is described as the ability of doing what we HAVE to do, and not what we WANT to do. Would people still want that kind of freedom ?

I’m tired. I feel left out. I don’t belong. Maybe it is because of the length of time that I’ve been in one situation, where everything have been familiar and made me feel safe though in an ambiguous way. Thus once I was yanked out of that comfort zone, I was completely lost.

I don’t know what life brings in the future, but I guess if I want the rainbow I would have to bear the coldness and harshness of rain. How long do I have to wait until I see my much-anticipated rainbow ? Some will say it’s not always about the goal because it takes your attention away from your journey, that you’ll be left with nothing at the end of it. And I do want to learn along the journey.

Little prayers are always in my heart, pleading to my dear Father to keep me from drying out, sucked by the tentacles of skepticism. Every now and then when situations turn sour and sad, I ask Him to gently mold my heart into what He desires, and hold me tight, giving me assurance that I’m not doing this alone and not doing it for myself. ‘Surrender’ has been and still is a big word to accomplish, and I must be the slowest snail of all, falling down again and again from the slime of my own steps.

Come to think of it, I don’t really want to have that drawer of ‘nothingness’. I might lose my mind (haha) or miss on some ‘lessons’ taught by the Greatest Teacher of all. I guess we are personally made with customized risk management to be able to bear all the tests and problems along our journeys, and I’m sure whatever problems given to me will not exceed beyond the manuals given to my ‘risk management body’. I just have to learn to keep walking STRAIGHT, taking in what’s need to be taken in and leaving useless bits out.

There are times when the potter has to destroy his work and start all over again on a defect vessel, because he knows a defect is cheap, it won’t do any good. The Potter, my Potter has gentle hands that even though He had to destroy me, He destroyed me to mold me into a better vessel. Doesn’t He have all the rights to shape His vessels into anything that brings Him delight ? (Jer 18:4) I just don’t want to have a hardened heart, cos it’ll hurt me more when the molding time comes.

This is me, once again in this position. A year has passed, and I’m back again at the Start line. And once again I ask my Lord to be Light as my guidance, and to be my Solid Rock for me hold on to when everything seems impossible. As many tears and the thoughts of ‘what might have been’ may flood into my days from now on, I only wish that I can be strong, be persistent and consistent and don’t play around with my life anymore.